Secrets are not always bad, especially if the nature of the secret is truth that is meant to be protected (e.g., secret recipe, business formula and secrets to protect privacy). But when the nature of keeping the secret is sinful, it could affect our self-confidence.
Secrets silently destroy your authenticity. If you’re not careful, keeping secrets can be your coping mechanism but it can be stressful. Thinking repeatedly of a secret can keep you up at night and negatively affect your mood.
So why do we still keep secrets?
The reasons are plenty: pride, fear, unmet desires, and doubt. We keep secrets to protect ourselves and our relationships. We want people’s opinion of us to remain positive. But keeping secrets can hurt us all the same.
How Does Keeping Secrets Affect Us?
According to some studies, keeping a secret requires a good deal of effort, which can cause stress. This can undermine our psychological well-being and eroding our health. If we are not careful, they can also cause the following:
- Fill a hole or emptiness in our heart
- Give you a false sense of security and confidence
- Offer an addictive form of coping mechanism
Not all secrets are harmful. But there are secrets that deserved to be called out. Consider the following:
- Substance addiction. Alcoholism, drug dependence, and smoking.
- Thoughts of infidelity and extramarital affairs: Thinking about romantic or sexual relations with someone who is not your current partner. This can be having a crush, being in love, or desiring relations with someone who is in a committed relationship. Flirting with someone other than your partner or developing an intimate friendship with a committed person is dangerous.
- Sexual behavior: Sexual activities (such as pornography, masturbation, fetishes) that you hide from others.
- Compulsive behaviour
- Anger and rage addiction, dominating others, and violent tendencies
- Workaholism. Preoccupation with work even while at home or on vacation, over involvement in outside interests such as clubs, politics, religion / ministry and sports
- Money addictions: Compulsive shopping and spending, gambling or hoarding of finances, stinginess.
- Media addictions. Computer games, televisions, or reading as a form of escape from stress and responsibilities
- Education addiction: keeps enrolling and learning but never applying
- Wrong Thought Patterns:
- Poor self esteem
- Destructive behavior
- Difficulty in forming relationships
- Inability to trust or love others
- Suicidal thoughts
- Critical Thoughts
- Anxiety and Fears
- Violation of trust: Broken the trust of someone, perhaps by revealing confidential information, checking someone’s messages, borrowing something without telling a person, etc.
- Theft: Taking someone that did not belong to you.
- Ambition or goal: Having a secret ambition or goal (career, fitness, relational, etc.) that you don’t share with anyone else.
- Family detail: Any type of family detail that you chose not to share with others (this can vary from family members you don’t mention to any detail about family members you chose not tell).
Keeping Secrets is Not Good for the Health
Secrets affect our confidence because they affect multiple areas of our lives: our thoughts, emotions, energy and most of all our FOCUS! The secret to stop keeping secrets is something we can do but struggle to actually deal with: be aware.
Awareness is really difficult because we’re used to denying everything (aka our quick fixes). We never bothered to understand or embrace our authenticity. We hold on to temporary sources of confidence, which prevents us from being our truthful selves.
But we can’t go on hiding forever — the Bible says so.
2 There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 3 What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.
Everything will come into light, if we’re not careful. Instead of allowing secrets to consume our lives, it’s best that we come clean and live our authentic lives. Breathe and be true. You’ll hurt less people along the way, as well as spare yourself from the hurt and the pain that comes with lies.
Come to the light. Be true to yourself.
Be Yourself with Help from Others
Radiance is eager to help you find a better version of yourself with our Extraordinary Confidence online course. This 21-day program takes a deeper look at the Self: your identity, common coping mechanisms, and view of confidence. It’s an in-depth course that operates your self (figuratively) so you can come out extraordinarily confident.